Oranges, Ashes, etc.

verse 31
last night we had Atmopadesa Satakam class. we read and discussed verse 31: meera, mike, komal, ashok, and me. it was heavy, heavy stuff. i believe my first introduction to the concept of assigning thing-ness and thought-ness to any form of matter came when i was around age 12 in portland, at scott and deb's house. the adults were having class with guru, and the the kids were having a mini class with prasad swami, and he was telling us that the chair was not really a chair. i remember, after some effort, getting what he was saying, and this verse really reinforced that lesson. we talked about getting past the form to the true essence of a thing. but to get past the form is no small task, and to us, it seems like a lot of mental work. at first, anyway. and then thoughts, words, etc. should be let go. it isn't as simple as just saying, "this orange isn't really an orange. 'orange' is just the name we give this conglomeration of many characteristics." without deep contemplation, i don't think it's possible to fully understand. we talked about the thoughts that we associate with various forms of matter and how we need to de-construct those also when examining a thing. for instance, komal talked about her aversion to popcorn because of a nauseating experience she had with it as a child. so when she sees 'popcorn', that memory is always there, in addition to the physical characteristics of what we call popcorn. so, in order to get beyond 'popcorn', each of us has something different to do. it's not that 'popcorn' is not real and the the absolute "clay" that animates it, so to speak, is real. but they both are, simultaneously. and the more we practice deconstructing, i think, or re-constructing, whatever the case may be, the better glimpse we can get of the "passing show" that is the phenomenal world. what's really interesting to me is the idea of phobias, and how they can potentially disappear when thusly scrutinized. we also talked about the practicality of this practice and what it means exactly. i mean, should we be "tripping out" on the phenomenal world, staring at things for hours, kind of like a mushroom or acid trip? is it something to be actively practiced? need effort be put into it? or is serenity, contemplation, and nature all that is necessary? i don't have my book in front of me, so this is where my thoughts end, for the moment. onward!
and now for something completely different...maybe?
i have once and for all come to the conclusion that i will no longer attend an institution of "higher learning". i am done with grades. even as a teacher, i felt silly giving grades, and i found them to be a hassle, more than anything. i am aligning more and more with emerson's philosophy of education, which is a combination of "drill and genius". now, to a certain extent, i can see the value of grades when you are trying to inculcate a concrete skill such as reading, writing, or arithmetic. a solid foundation of repetition and drill is necessary to gain mastery of anything. but after that mastery is achieved and the skill foundation is layed, according to ralph and me, the focus should be on manifesting the latent genius of the child, which should come from the child or adult, whatever the case may be. and in manifesting genius, what the fuck do you need grades for?? let's assume that upon entry into college, a student can read and write well and knows the fundamentals of mathematics, geometry, and science. (un-funnily enough, having taught college, i know that this is not necessarily true.) but IDEALLY, as students, we should simply be there to expand our minds, right? studying what really interests us, right? wrong. all these type As have stuck their noses into everything and ruined all of the fun! there's more i want to add to this discussion, but i am a tad flustered and must transition to another topic.
george michael
i am a huge fan. listen to jesus to a child. his lover/soulmate died of aids, and this is the song he wrote after that. it's beautiful.
http://www.rhapsody.com/-search?query=jesus+to+a+child&searchtype=RhapKeyword
working on it, peeps
i am working to free my mind of the concept of morality. i want to be more of a watcher, but somehow--thank you catholic and hindu dogma--i have grown this critic in my mind who is such a fucking drag! i am trying to simply be. there is no right and wrong. it is not necessarily wrong to lie. it is not necessarily right to tell the truth. mind you, i haven't come to any conclusions, but i just want to be left alone!
ashes to ashes
my dad's remains will be spread in aluva puzha (the 'z' isn't a 'z' sound at all, more like an 'r', mixed with a 'y', virtually impossible for the non-malayalee or non-tamil tongue) which is a river in the town of aluva in kerala, where my dad spent many years of his youth. he used to swim in that river, my cousin tells me. my cousin is my mom's age, so she's more like my aunt. my dad was an adventurous spirit, and i miss him even more when i hear stories like this. after that, we are heading north to river ganga, in rishikesh, possibly further north to badrinath. this has yet to be decided. more to come about this...

enjoy the show!