More Adventures at Starved Rock State Park

illinois canyon

this is a behemoth of a canyon, though you can't tell from this photo. our adventure started here. it took ashok and i some walking just to get to this point. and what a serene walk it was! when we got here, two people were taking photos. the lady said we should climb the canyon wall to have a look at the source of the pool that had collected in the canyon. she said, "i'm 50 and i did it with no problem." well, she didn't have to say more. we made our way up the side of the canyon, a little steep but definitely doable, and this is what we saw:
we sat there for a long while, on the edge of the canyon, in awe of the power of the water that had formed it. an old man with white hair and a white mustache was sitting just ahead of us; he had put us to shame with his easy pace. he told us that we could walk along the canyon rim and end up at the parking lot. we had to try it. at this point i noticed a sign that had 'fallen', but i gave it no thought other than a vague, "hmm.. that sign fell." so we made our way across the water where there was an easy opening. by this time, the old man had disappeared in the opposite direction and a group of foreign tourists came across in the direction we were headed. we walked along the rim of the canyon, periodically checking out the view and the steep drops. then we very nearly walked into two burly forest preserve police, but they weren't your granola types, more like young marines. they gave us a lecture on why we weren't supposed to be on the rim of the canyon, people have died, the park doesn't have the money to keep up the trails, etc. they took our ids, phoned them in and whatnot. the marines were basically nice and left us with a warning, but what a buzzkill!! they told us the easiest way down, and off we went, and off they went to kill other peoples' buzzes. so this is where it gets interesting. we couldn't find a decent way down for the longest time. we could have gone back in the direction we came, but i didn't want to run into those ding dongs (to quote otto). eventually we found a spot where a descent was feasible, and ashok made it down easily enough, but i was a big baby and took several minutes to muster up the courage to realize that i was going to have to slide at least 3 feet before i hit the boulder beneath me. i sat there, contemplating only the moment, and grabbing a hunk of moss with my right hand, which had grown thick and verdant on the wet canyon walls. but it wasn't strong enough to hold me. i didn't want to fall! waaahhh! but there were no other options. thank god for my husband! he talked me through it in a very calm voice, and i slid down the great illinois canyon and fell on my ass with a thump, but aside from a hand scrape and a slightly bruised ego, this nature girl was fine. and we were ready to move on!

more to come soon...

Piercing Odors and Clouds

odor on the western express
i don't often take the bus, but i decided to take it this past tuesday because ashoka was playing a 3-song audition gig for "bodog battle of the bands" at the elbo room, and he was already there with his green machine--a lime green '76 bmw he got from otto. i took the bus, so we could ride home together and talk. it was nearly dusk when i boarded the western avenue express, heading northbound. i put my two dollars in the slot and turned to find a seat. immediately to my left, covering the three priority seats, was a blue tarp with a large hump underneath it, sitting somewhat upright. the tarp was spilling into the aisle, and i was forced to step on it, as i made my way to an open seat. i had no idea whose misery it concealed; there was not a hand or the top of a head to give me a clue. but whoever it was found the spot comfortable enough to snore. i sat only two seats behind the mound, and i had to turn my head to the side several times, in hopes that i would avoid the direct hit of odor emanating from it. i felt not only that i was smelling him, but something far more pervasive than that. an odor is a chemical dissolved in the air, at a very low concentration. chemicals are made up of molecules, and molecules, in turn, are the smallest properties of a compound. a compound is a substance made up of two or more elements, and an element is a substance that cannot be decomposed to a simpler substance. and since elements are made up of atoms, which are the smallest particles of matter, i was quite literally chewing and swallowing this man along with my gum. a stowaway in my saliva, surreptitiously traveling down my esophagus. i was breathing him too, and he was swooshing about the cilia in my lungs, like particles in an ocean moving over a surface of sea anemones. so where did he end, and i begin?
a piercing experience
helmholtz watson, in brave new world, is an alpha-plus lecturer in writing at the college of emotional engineering. he wants to teach his students how to write words that are "piercing". but in the brave new world, superficiality and frivolity are the modi operandi and depth of thought is misunderstood, frowned upon, an occasion to pop some soma. last night, after i re-pierced my nose, i thought about helmholtz. when i started working in cubicle land, i felt the need to take out my nose ring. no one told me to, but i felt it was the corporate sacrifice i had to make. i had been without a nose ring for almost a year, and then yesterday as i was riding home with meg, my carpool mate, i got to thinking about re-piercing it. it became my mission for the evening, and after three hours of sitting in the sink with my fingers up my nose, and a nose ring half way in it, with one dinner break, i succeeded in piercing through the cartilage. i really felt that i had accomplished something great, as if this act was symbolic of me, coming back to myself. i was triumphant. helmholtz is searching for something beyond the superficial assignments he gives his students. he knows there is something more than this. here's an excerpt from chapter 4 of brave new world:

Helmholtz shook his head. "Not quite. I'm thinking of a queer feeling I sometimes get, a feeling that I've got something important to say and the power to say it–only I don't know what it is, and I can't make any use of the power. If there was some different way of writing … Or else something else to write about …" He was silent; then, "You see," he went on at last, "I'm pretty good at inventing phrases–you know, the sort of words that suddenly make you jump, almost as though you'd sat on a pin, they seem so new and exciting even though they're about something hypnopædically obvious. But that doesn't seem enough. It's not enough for the phrases to be good; what you make with them ought to be good too."
"But your things are good, Helmholtz."
"Oh, as far as they go." Helmholtz shrugged his shoulders. "But they go such a little way. They aren't important enough, somehow. I feel I could do something much more important. Yes, and more intense, more violent. But what? What is there more important to say? And how can one be violent about the sort of things one's expected to write about? Words can be like X-rays, if you use them properly–they'll go through anything. You read and you're pierced. That's one of the things I try to teach my students–how to write piercingly. But what on earth's the good of being pierced by an article about a Community Sing, or the latest improvement in scent organs? Besides, can you make words really piercing–you know, like the very hardest X-rays–when you're writing about that sort of thing? Can you say something about nothing? That's what it finally boils down to. I try and I try …"

i have done the literal piercing, and now i want to pierce with words, just like helmholtz is beginning to figure out in this passage. but i'll do it with no grand plans and no great expectations. the time is now.
morning clouds
so many strato-cumuli on this sunny and crisp day. just like this:

Dr. Pillay's Tribute Video

Set Billy Free!

♪acid rain, acid rain ♪
i don't want to see you bathing in the acid rain! as i was driving north on i-55 this week, back to the city from work, i smelled acidity in the air, and i could taste it in the back of my throat, like getting up close and personal with the breath of a panting dog or taking a big whiff of wet, rusty metal. it was disturbing, and i wondered what the ph imbalance was doing to the surrounding flora and fauna, including humans who live in the area. it rained all night last night, and we're expecting more, which is odd for this time of year. Click here to read about acid rain in a fun, kid-friendly format! ashok and i were lying in bed last night, and we turned on the television. this is really odd because we never watch the idiot box before bed, but we turned on the local news of all things, which i fucking detest. i hate the fake paper shuffling, the stupid banter, the waste-of-everyone's-time, fear-inducing "news" stories, and the hyperbolic use of cosmetics, YET we turned the damn thing on because the weather was supposed to be of day after tomorrow proportions: thunderstorms, tornadoes, oh my! but alas, much to our chagrin, we both had to come to work this morning. the rain is supposed to continue, though. and so too, the acid.
superstitions must die!
i don't think i have any of these critters left. i choose to live fearlessly. i just delete all those chain letter emails as soon as i get them. this is duality at its worst! if you do x, then y will happen. what a bunch of hogwash, and i do not subscribe to any of it. the last superstition that i had and managed to exorcise had to do with billy idol songs. i thought that if i heard a billy idol song then someone would die, because someone did die after i heard one. isn't that goddamn ridiculous? jesus. anyway, billy can blare fearlessly through my radio now, not that he does, but now it's for quality control purposes, not out of fear. anyway, this must be the stupidest thing i've ever confessed to, but i thought you might appreciate it!
higher ed?
i will never pursue another degree again. for someone like my dad, who studied the sciences, a higher degree was essential. but for me, in the arts, a higher degree is unnecessary, and it didn't feel natural at all. most importantly, it encumbered my creative flow. the two classes i took at roosevelt taught me something important. in fact it can be summed up in one sentence: show, don't tell. i don't live by this as a religious credo; sometimes the opposite is true, but i will continue to grow from this piece of wisdom. there is so much about institutionalized education in the arts that doesn't sit well with me. i thought that i needed a class to write. i was so sure of this. but i was wrong. i was striving, trying, reaching for something to grab on to, and i've come to realize, through my study of atmopadesa satakam, that all that striving is unnecessary. after all, you can't force a flower from the ground by pulling it up and prying its petals open. it will happen on its own schedule, and this is how i've come to feel about myself and my growth as a writer. the structure of the classroom is confining. i feel this not only as a student, but as an instructor as well. the concept of grades feels contrived, giving and receiving them. if you're a student who's in it for the grade, then all i have to say is good luck. you have mastered how to please everyone, but yourself. i was in it for the knowledge, but i couldn't play the game and pretend like i actually gave a fuck about letters on a paper. if you want to create art, just start doing it. the motivation will come naturally if you are aligned with your svadharma (inner nature). if not, let it go baby!

Space

into the wild
do we need to go anywhere to realize the true Self? i often have this feeling that i need to be in wild nature right away, as if somehow my surroundings will have an effect on this realization. is it nature that calms my mind and infuses my heart with a sense of awe and peace? or is that awe and peace are already there in me, regardless of where i am? i think the latter is true, especially when i consider nelson mandela's 27 years in prison and martin luther king jr.'s letter from a birmingham jail. they both found peace in a prison cell, and so too i can find peace in my cubicle, just as easily as i can find it in the squirming of a caterpillar or in the flight of a heron. i think nature serves as a reminder of what we already are, that we have to get nowhere and achieve nothing, and perhaps that's why so many of us flee to it, like chris mccandless. i guess it's a reminder in the same way that my idols on my altar are reminders of my own essence. but are nature and idols necessary for realization? no. the work has to be done by me, alone. but it is important to preserve the wild spaces on the planet, so we can experience them and remember to get beyond experience itself.
now, discover your strengths!
i had to purchase and read this book for work. every week, my supervisor in monterey calls me and we discuss a chapter. it started with an online 'test' to figure out what my top 5 strengths are. the language of the series of books by marcus buckingham is based on these 34 strengths. anyway, my top 5 are: maximizer, intellection, adaptability, connectedness, and input. by the way, you have to purchase the book to get the code to take the online test. i won't go into the details of each of my so-called strengths, but the point of all this discovery is to do what you do best at work, thus making you a more productive and happy employee, and, of course, increasing the bottom line of the company. a major point in the book is that to focus on your 'strengths', as opposed to your 'weaknesses', is the best way to grow within the company and be happy in what you do. focusing on your 'weaknesses' is akin to hitting your head against a brick wall again and again. i have a few issues with what strengths and weaknesses actually are. for instance, if i take the test at one point in time, and i take it again six months later, who's to say that my top 5 strengths won't shift radically? this book is along the lines of howard gardner's theory of multiple intelligences, and i dare to say that a part of me doesn't buy either school of thought completely. during my school years, i hated mathematics. but i knew i could understand it if taught to me correctly. with that understanding came a feeling of triumph. this doesn't exactly align with gardner, because according to him, if i struggle with math, perhaps i may be stronger in a different kind of intelligence. to be fair, he does also say that a different educational approach may be necessary, though i happen to think patience and repetition is all that's necessary in mastering a basic skill. over time, i have realized that not only do i not hate mathematics, but i have grown to love it and long to learn more about it, especially geometry, which i failed in high school! there's a certain kind of exhiliration that comes from learning a skill that you thought you could never learn. none of my top strengths indicate my deep interest in mathematics. for example, i have to work with numbers and spreadsheets quite a bit in my job, and initially this was rather daunting, and i thought i just wasn't good at it. but i have repeated the tasks so many times that a certain fluidity is now there when i work in excel. again, the strenghs finder test cannot detect this. also, just because 'intellection' is one of my strengths, doesn't mean i enjoy using my intellect at work, necessarily. i'd rather, much rather, use it to read Guru's books, emerson, or tolstoy and have discussions regarding those. there is no way i could use this strength at work, or any of them for that matter, to their fullest extents, and i am fine with that. in fact, i don't need to use them at all. all i need, and i dare to say all that other corporate slaves need, is a boss who doesn't take herself too seriously, is not afraid to laugh, and doesn't micromanage. these qualities alone would make any job more bearable. onward!
jupiter in the east village
one of my favorite new york memories happened one night while ashok and i were walking down 1st avenue in the east village. we must have been coming back from a bar because that's what you do in new york at night. there was a man on the sidewalk with a telescope, and he was charging people to have a look at jupiter. i couldn't pass up the opportunity, so we paid up and i peered in. it was awesome. there sat jupiter, big, bright, and magnificent! my world narrowed in an instant to the size of a glowing orange marble, which in reality is the size of 300 earths! man. i wanted to take that telescope home with me.

Celestial Summit 10/7

regulus, saturn, venus, and moon

venus, saturn, and the star regulus will be forming a rare, tight triangle tomorrow morning several hours before sunrise, sunday, october 7, with the crescent moon strikingly positioned inside it. i want to see this configuration. a pair of binoculars will do, from what i've read. but saturn will be the hardest to see.

i excerpted the following from a website called http://www.shamanicastrology.com/:

"Whenever a planet is within 6 degrees of a Behenian star, the energy of that star is greater. Saturn is currently within about 4 degrees of Regulus. It is important to remember that we inform the mysteries as much as they inform us; and when we are aware of what is occurring, we can consciously engage and help direct what is happening in the Great Above, as it relates to our So Below reality by aligning our intent with the unfolding Divine Will. This is the most effective way we can participate as co-creators of the New Earth. The mysteries of As Within, So Without remind us this is about uniting Heaven and Earth in a sacred marriage where we are living the integration of both simultaneously."

• Regulus has about 3.5 times the Sun's mass, and is a young star only a few hundred million years old. It is spinning extremely rapidly, with a rotation period of only 15.9 hours, which causes it to have a highly oblate shape (wikipedia). "As for Regulus, it marks the heart of Leo, a star pattern whose origins trace back to the earliest Mideastern peoples, especially those of the Tigris and Euphrates area. Among virtually all civilizations there, this constellation was accorded king-of-the-beasts status and regal symbolism." http://www.space.com/spacewatch/091005-ns-summit.html


• Saturn is the sixth planet from the sun and the second largest planet in the solar system, after Jupiter. Along with the planets Jupiter, Uranus, and neptune, it is classified as a gas giant (also known as a Jovian planet, after the planet Jupiter). It was named after the Roman god Saturnus, equated to the Greek Kronos (the Titan father of Zeus) and the Babylonian Ninurta. Saturn's symbol represents the god's sickle (wikipedia).


• Venus is the second-closest planet to the sun, orbiting it every 224.7 Earth days. It is the brightest natural object in the night sky, except for the Moon. Venus reaches its maximum brightness shortly before sunrise or shortly after sunset, for which reason it is often called the Morning Star or the Evening Star (wikipedia).


• The Behenian fixed stars are a selection of fifteen stars considered especially useful for magical applications in the medieval astrology of Europe and the Arab world. Their name derives from Arabic bahman, "root," as each was considered a source of astrological power for one or more planets. Each is also connected with a gemstone and plant that would be used in rituals meant to draw the star's influence When a planet was within six degrees of an associated star, this influence was thought to be particularly strong (wikipedia).

so i discovered that regulus, corresponds with the hindu nakshatra magha or "the great one".

"Magha is ruled by the Ancestors.This is the 10th nakshatra of the zodiac, ruled by the node Ketu and spanning from 00°-00' to 13°-20' in the sign Leo, ruled by the Sun. Magha is derived from Maghaban. Magha is the cause of brightness and light. Magha stands for noble impulses and incentives, the gift of Magha must always be a noble one. It shows that we are coming to the end of a cycle"(http://www.findyourfate.com/indianastro/Magha.html).

a palanquin is the symbol of magha... i want to take advantage of this rare alignment of planets and stars, so symbolic of change and great things. it's funny. i am both trying to be present--i am here right now and loving it--but at the same time i can't deny my longing for change. i think the caterpillar-to-butterfly synchronicity is also symbolic of this longing. ah ha! the heavens within and without are so fascinating to contemplate, and i shall forever be entranced by their connection, their oneness. that star stuff is me and i am it. what's aligning "out there" is also aligning "in here".

Fun With Fuzzies, Gay Senators, and Dreams, Oh My!

oh fun
yeah, having a bit of fun at larry craig's expense (see below). don't know if y'all will find my experiments in satire fun or not, but the experiments shall continue...
more caterpillars
on saturday i had a bit of a meltdown; i think i am overdosing on city life and cubicle land. i had to get away, so i drove up to the forest preserve on the north side of town and went for a walk. one of the first things i encountered was a caterpillar trying to cross the bike path i was on. (i have since discovered this was a common woolly bear caterpillar, which eventually becomes the tiger moth. it's fuzzy, black and brown striped.) anyway, woolly bear was definitely going to get smushed by a biker, so i rescued it. at first it was crawling on my arm, then it fell, and curled up into a ball. i picked it back up, ever so gently, and placed it on a tree branch. some caterpillars sting, apparently, but i don't think the ones around here do. oh, and i also found out that some of them also have "false eyes" towards the rear of their abdomens, in order to deter predators. so the "eyes" of that caterpillar from stockton that i was describing several posts ago, were probably not eyes at all. hmmm... i wonder what gary larson would think of my "rescue". he'd probably ridicule my human folly, but whatever! gary can do no wrong in my eyes. ANYway, after disregarding the prime directive, i kept walking, and eventually found a secluded spot near the chicago river. i sat by two white ducks that were swimming around together. they didn't leave each other's side. they even stuck their heads in the water at the same time, and their feathery white butts would stick out and wiggle. i sat and watched them and the water flow and tried to disregard the litter around me. there wasn't a lot, but there is not supposed to be any, and even a single bottle never fails to prick at my serenity. after some time, i got up and and started walking back, and lo and behold, i saw another caterpillar trying to cross the road, which apparently isn't that bizarre, because some of them like roadside plants and shrubs. this one i can't identify, but it was green and smooth--softer even than a human baby--and was colored with beautiful, muted shades of brown, in a cool geometric pattern. i picked this little baby up, and held him for a while, i accidentally dropped him, too. and when i picked him up again, he regurgitated his leaf juice on me. that's what they do when they're not happy. he then proceeded to curl up into a ball, like the other guy. so i decided not to harrass the poor creature further, and i set him down somewhere i thought he'd be content. who knows if i put him within sight of a bird or something. i watched him for a while, and after a few minutes, he came out of his ball and was squirming around again. then this lady whizzed past me on her bike and on the back of her tank top was an image of a bright patterned butterfly. pretty cool, eh? i think papa jung would agree.
dream
i don't write about my dreams here because they wouldn't be interesting to most people but me, but last night's dream was telling. it was a school setting, and there were so many teachers' cubbies crowded in every which place. i needed to find my red folder that had my schedule for the semester in it. who knows, i might have already missed my first period class. so i was in the teacher's room searching frantically for my cubby, but i wasn't over-worried. randi, my super awesome boss in reality, told me to put a plastic bag filled with something (a doll?) in her cubby. so i started looking for that, too. after a long search, i found hers. it was nice, wooden, spacious, but still a cubby. and then you wouldn't believe what mine was. it was a brand spanking new, clean, plastic, white garbage can. the implications are obvious. whatever.

Get Thee Behind Me!

ladies and gentleman of idaho, as i have said many times before, i am not gay! what happened in that bathroom stall at the minneapolis-st. paul international airport was a god’s honest mistake. if you recall, in 1989, i was the one who led the charge against representative barney frank for his involvement with a gay prostitute. i was the one who read every document relating to his filthy acts, poring over the ins and outs, to ensure that justice was serviced, uh, i mean served. i did not enjoy that work, but it was something that needed to be done, to protect the moral standards of the hardened members of the house of representatives. after weeks of studying the particulars of mr. frank’s powerfully disturbing encounters, i felt i had to thrust my will upon the house ethics committee for a more severe punishment for mr. frank, who had been very, very, very, very, very, very naughty. i think it is abundantly clear that i am no friend of the gays. like you, i think that acts of homosexuality are disgusting and should be punished, and if i could, i would personally mete out those punishments. my fellow idahoans, i do not get aroused by looking at or fantasizing about grown men naked, no, no, no, i am married to a devoted woman named… a wonderful doting wife…named, ah, yes, Suzanne. and the thought that my friends and colleagues think of me in a homosexual way, is beyond upsetting. if there should be a crime, it is the crime of folly, and i have already discussed this with my heavenly father. after all, it was he who gave me these long legs that got me into this trouble, heh, heh. is the left wing media now going to punish a man for having long legs and tapping his foot? while in that bathroom stall i might have, yes, might have, brushed against the person’s foot in the stall next to mine. i might have rubbed against his foot. is rubbing against someone’s foot a crime? imagine my shock when i came out of that closet... stall, stall, and the person in the stall next to mine identifies himself as an officer of the law and arrests me for lewd conduct. i ask you brothers and sisters of idaho, what would you have done? well, i was mortified. i wanted the whole mess to go away, so i foolishly went along with it, and i told the sargeant, okay, yes, i did try to solicit sex from an undercover police officer. i thought if i’d just say that, then this entire mess would be behind me, well, not behind me, but you know what i mean.